New Year, New You!

... Or not.

I have been thinking about New Year's Resolutions and I cannot settle on one that I like enough.

Here has been my list of possibles and reasons why I decided against them:

• Stop being so judgmental. - While this is a good idea, I find it to be a little impossible. I don't know if it's just because I am in a really bad mood today (family drama, got my period unexpectedly, going to school is still a jillion days away), but I find that I judge all the time. I was just looking at pictures of some people from high school, partying and smoking and all I kept thinking was, "Sellout" or "Way to go. Not" or "I am so much better than you" (which is, of course, a terrible thing to think). This would be a nice resolution, but I know I'd break it and then feel guilty.
• Be more honest with people. This one is probably the best one I've come up with, but I worry about hurting people's feelings too much to act on it. Which I hate, especially because the people I need to be honest with the most are people who hurt me the most. And if they hurt me, then I should be able to say something that might hurt them, too. I mean, I wouldn't go into something wanting to be vengeful or hurt someone SOLELY because they hurt me, but it is good to be honest with people and let them know that their behavior or something they did got to you because then you can patch it up. Right now there are three people that come to mind who I need to be honest with and let them know that something they've done hurt my feelings. One of them is someone in my family. One of them is/was (not sure really to define it) a friend at school. The other is a "friend" from high school. All three situations are radically different from one another, but one thing remains the same: I doubt any of these people know how upset/disappointed I am with them. I take the blame for that.
  
• Stop texting (or reduce text messages) to the guy I like. This is another good idea, but one that I don't think I'll be able to keep because I've already tried to do this, but my lack of willpower caused me to fail miserably.
• Reduce texting in general. This might be the most feasible goal, so long as I monitor my messages and say "Is this necessary right now in the middle of class to text Keri and tell her I am bored to tears?" The answer, of course, is "probably not." Okay. Definitely not.
  
• Be timelier about calling people back.
  
• Reduce sweets.
• Walk more.
• Stop being jealous of people.
• Get over the bitterness about having cancer.
• Write. About anything. Anywhere. Whenever. All the time. No excuses.
  

There is something exciting about leaving everything behind

Something deep and pulling leaving everything behind
Something about having everything you think you'll ever need
Sitting in the seat next to you.

-- Butterfly Boucher, "Another White Dash"

That is how I feel right now. Like I want to leave everything behind. All the papers, all the finals, all the obligations, all the drama, all the stress. I just need to go home and not have any cares in the world. I need to wake up late and read fun books and bake cookies and decorate my tree.

I just realized that my last paragraph had anaphora, repetition AND polysyndeton. Thank you rhetoric handbook. Just goes to show you how badly I need a major brain-rotting session.

Here's what I've been up to the past few days:

• Friday: Worked in the library for 20928975 hours on my Rhetoric take-home final. Turned in my Rhetoric final and then went to the library to read for a while. Watched What Not to Wear and then hung out with Daniella.
  


• Saturday: Cleaned my room in the morning, grabbed some lunch, read, took a nap, made Spongebob Squarepants macaroni and cheese, hung out with Kathryn, watched The Baby-Sitters Club with Daniella (she'd never seen the show, which is a TRAGEDY), had a popsicle party with the girls in the hall, took a bath and went to Bill and Frank's for the second time this week. That was fun; I wore a pretty new dress and saw a TON of my friends out.
  
• Yesterday: Worked on Ethics journals for the better part of the day, had dinner with Matty, froze my ass off on the way to my dorm from the dining hall, made myself a thermosful of hot cocoa and then froze my ass off on the way to the library to my dorm (even though I wrapped myself in a blanket AND had on a knit cap), reviewed for my PR final this morning, and went to bed bundled up under three blankets in a hat, shirt, pajama pants, and socks.
  

I am reaching the sad conclusion that I do not mix well with the cold weather. It makes me cranky. This could, however, be attributed to the fact that you lose something like 90% of your body heat through your head. Great.

On a more positive note, though, I think I got an A on my Public Relations final this morning. It was really easy. But what was an even better feeling than doing so well was throwing alllllll of my materials into the recycle bin in the library. It was extremely cathartic.

A fun night out and a productive day in

I cannot get over how much I love Bill and Frank's. Kira and I went last night (it had been forever and a day since we hung out last) and it was wonderful. I had two of my signature strawberry daiquiris and a bunch of laughs. It was nice to go out and not think about the library or finals or rhetoric for a change.

Today, however, was devoted to staying in. In the library, that is.

I arrived at 10:00 and worked on my rhetoric paper until 12:45. Stapling the papers together, all nice and hot from the laser printer, was absolutely amazing. I sighed a monstrous sigh of relief and then went back to my room to grab some books that I needed. While I was in my room, I grabbed a styrafoam cup and filled it to the tippy-top with cappucino fudge blitz ice cream from Publix. Yum.

Back at the library, I worked on my journalism final and my rhetoric final until it was time to turn in the paper at 2:45. From there, Kim and I went to the bookstore so I could buy back one of my textbooks; I got a measly $8.00. Hmph. Oh well, I guess I can't sneeze at cash, whether it is a lot or a little. I am, after all, a poor college student.

I went back to the library then, and realized that I needed to pick up a binder from my room. So I came back to Gordis, re-filled my ice cream cup and went back to the library to work on those take-home exams.

I threw in the towel at 5:30 so I could go wait on line to get free food at SGA's Reading Day Dinner. As of now, the only things I have to do are three questions on the rhetoric final, one question on the journalism final, five ethics journals, and three questions of the ethics final. Easy breezy beautiful.

Once I was back at my room for the night, I watched Jeopardy, hung out with Daniella (and found out that we are both ESFJs on the personality test thing), and watched Grey's Anatomy with Ashley, Linh, Allison, Katie, and Lina. Good episode, minus the Callie-weird-British-girl-lesbian-flirtation thing, and the Izzy-sleeping-with-the-image-of-dead-Denny thing.

In other news:

• Where did this semester go?
  
• I've been extremely tense lately, so I asked my mom for a massage gift certificate for Christmas. I really hope she follows through with that; my neck, back, and shoulders are tighter than Spandex. (Bad joke, I know).

• It bugs me that the one thing I really want for Christmas (hair), I cannot have. It is impossible to have shoulder-length locks by December 25th. Damn it.

Carpal tunnel and frozen ears

People have been asking me what I'd like for Christmas. I've finally figured out what I need.

A pup tent.

"But you don't go camping!" you say.

That's true. However, if conditions do not improve at school (translation: if my professors don't start letting up on the papers and take home essay exams), I am going to need to sleep over in the library at school.

I've already decided that the government documents section (the "gov docs" for us library nerds) is the perfect place to pitch a tent (insert sexual joke here) because nobody ever goes there.

I'd need to do this because I get my best work done at duPont-ball. Last night I was at the library for two hours (9:30-11:30); today I was there on my lunch hour and then for nearly five hours (6:15 to 11:00) in the evening to work on the dreaded Rhetoric paper (which isn't so dreaded after all; it's coming out pretty well. I am a little over halfway done). It's a wonder my fingers haven't fallen off from typing so much in such a short amount of time, though!

In other news, the weather here is close to frigid. I wore my "library outfit" tonight (jeans, a sweatshirt, and a baseball cap), but on the walk back to the dorm, my ears were so cold they were actually numb. It's times like these I wish I had hair. I also wish that earmuffs would be in style because let's face it, as much as I long for warm ears during these chilly December nights, I wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of earmuffs, the dorkiest accessory ever, unless everyone else was wearing them.

I realize that the last statement makes me the dictionary definition of a conformist, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Other thoughts:

• Doing dishes is easily the most deplorable chore ever. I need one of these:
  
  
  


• Today was the last Ethics class I will ever have to take, and that fills me with oodles of joy
  
• I am actually looking forward to Stress-Free zone this year, mainly because I do not have to serve food to ungrateful students


• PET PEEVE: There is a boy at school who always rubs my head without asking. Nothing pisses me off more. Seriously. I am not a freaking Buddha for Christ's sake. Really, what is the point of that?


• Speaking of hair, I am excited the the stuff on my head is growing in, but I wish my legs would stay bare. I'd forgotten how much I don't like shaving. Luckily, though, this is prime long-pant-wearing weather, so maybe I can go another month sans razors.
  
• I'm majorly jazzed about the 97 that I got on my Public Relations final.
  
• Today there were Evangelists on campus passing out miniature Bibles. I got asked by TWO of them if I wanted one. I declined, of course, as Eminem was blasting on my iPod. The irony astounds me.
  

[My other] Home Sweet Home

Ahhhh. Break was good, but it is VERY nice to be back at my Stetson home.

I got back here today at around 2:00. The morning was devoted to putting the chocolate on the top of my rainbow cookies, cutting them into little squares while watching Sex and the City, packing up my belongings, and washing the dishes.

No idea where the torrential downpour came from today, but it was raining cats and dogs when Mom, Dad, and I left to go back to Deland. That didn't make me too happy; I don't like getting my head wet.

Once I got back to school, I assembled my cookie platters and delivered them to Don, Danielle, and Keri. I also uploaded pictures from this weekend to Facebook and downloaded some new songs onto my iPod. (Which, by the way, did you know that Apple does not make a charging dock station that plugs into the wall for iPod shuffles?! They really ought to because I am in dire need of one.)

Then, at ten to four, I left the apartment and headed to the library. I got there before it opened at five and waited outside for the librarian to unlock the doors because I am a self-admitted nerd and wanted to do the work that I put off all weekend. Plus, there is one computer that is my all-time favorite (it has been for over a year now. Who says I am afraid of commitment?) and I really wanted to use it; it upsets me when I see other people working at MY favorite work station.

You know, it's a wonder my butt hasn't fallen off of my body from sheer exhaustion from being sat on for four and a half hours in that frigid library. Seriously. The only times I got up were when I needed to get my papers from the printer, staple them, or three-hole punch them. I did five Ethics journals, found a handful of sources for my Rhetoric paper (thank God), and did my entire Rhetoric powerpoint. I think I did it right. If not, c'est la vie. I am OVER this class.

Now it is time to go to Keri's for our weekly Talk Sex with Sue Sunday. Hopefully I will learn something good or come away with a fun quote, like my personal favorite: "If you're looking for summer fun, wrap your hot dog in a bun!"

Simply having a wonderful Thanksgiving break

Today was good. I...

• made the ultimate decision to hold off starting my paper until tomorrow afternoon when the school library opens and I can take advantage of their incredible fluorescent lighting, free printing, and resources


• finished reading Pledged, a wonderful book about the secret life of sororities


• baked a TON of Christmas cookies to give to my staffers and friends at school


• watched "The Preacher's Wife" and "You've Got Mail" and recited all of the dialogue, which made me very happy because I am one accomplished chick-flick-dialogue-reciter


• went to Target with Monika and bought a new purse and Arthur's birthday gift


• also went to Marble Slab with Monika and had the most incredible cheesecake flavored ice cream ever. And there were raspberries mixed in, which made it delicious and healthy (fruit = good for the body)

But there was a teeny bit of bad mixed in with my good. I had a bit of a meltdown (makeup streaming, shoulders shaking, incoherent babbling) because it hit me that next winter break will probably be the last time I will be around to stay home and bake cookies and watch my favorite movies with my mommy, as I plan on moving up to New York :( She assured me that she would find me wherever and bake with me, which made me feel a little better.

Gee whiz, though. I am getting soft in my old age. Just this week alone, I cried over that, twice over J.K. Rowling's commencement speech, and once over a sappy Hallmark card.

Mental note: Invest in some good waterproof mascara.

I am going to make rainbow cookies right now. That's what they look like. They are deeeeelicious. (Photo taken New Year's Eve, ringing in 2006).

Junioritis at its finest.

<-- This is how I feel right now. I have the worst case of junior burn-out ever in the history of the world, I think. Part of it is just because it's the end of the semester, part of it is because Rhetoric simply sucks, and the other part is because I have a slight mentality of "My goodness. I just beat cancer and now you want me to write an eleven page paper?! Haven't I been through ENOUGH?!"

Needless to say, that paper isn't coming along well. I had emailed my professor on Wednesday night with a list of questions that I needed answered or else I couldn't really proceed. I figured I would get a response that evening. Nope.

I had an inkling that I wouldn't get a response yesterday, as it was Thanksgiving, but when 5:00 this afternoon rolled around and I STILL hadn't heard from her, I was a little infuriated. That's a whole day wasted!

Well, not wasted, per se. I DID end up watching some of the "What Not to Wear" marathon after all. In my defense though, I only watched three episodes because they were ones I hadn't seen before; I refused to watch repeats. During the time that re-runs WERE on television, I tried to do research online for the paper, which turned out to be a fruitless effort. By the afternoon's end, all I had done for the paper was listen to my three speeches (I thought this would be a good idea because it would help me determine the tone, as reading a transcript can only get an aspiring rhetorician like myself so far), and come up with a list of characteristics common in at least two of them. A schema, if you will. (Sidenote: I LOVE the word 'schema.' I always feel smart when I use it).

Anyway, the other part of my day (well, my evening) was spent at the Olive Garden with Heather, Julie, Lauren, and Sarah. It was absolutely wonderful to see all of them; we all got the new chicken and gnocchi soup that they have there (it's out of this world) and I got the chicken con broccoli, too. We gabbed for over an hour and a half about boys and school and family and boys. :)

Now I am home sweet home. I finally received an email back from my professor, so tomorrow morning I will really start cracking on that paper, now that I know what the hell I am doing. But now I must go throw in a load of laundry and write out some Christmas cards. And, as I have done for the past five nights in a row, I am going to read until I fall asleep. It is going to be blissful <3